Social media doesn’t show everything. Even when I try to be as authentic as possible and avoid any photos or posts of my marriage or my child’s face, I still feel like I may be contributing to the whole ‘perfect’ curated social media feed that is incredibly unhealthy. And so I’m sharing this photo. Because Alhumdulillah, by the grace and blessings of God, we were presented with an unexpected opportunity to visit Spain for seven days in June. As those close to me know, Spain is a country I had wanted to visit for 25 years (since I was 13!) and this was my chance to finally see the Alhambra and visit Cordoba and see the Islamic art and architecture and patterns that have always inspired me. But I didn’t share any of it on social media. Why? I admit, partly because I took so many photos that I had to delete several apps off of my phone, including IG. But more so because I didn’t want to contribute to a lot of the issues I feel arise with sharing everything on social media, and because I wanted this to be something I cherished and shared with those closest to me in the moment. I am choosing to share a bit more now, because as a Muslim artist, this trip was literally a dream come true and was so inspiring. I have so many ideas and art projects and pride in seeing such significant and incredible Islamic history and craftsmanship. 

And also because I’m sharing this photo first. As the caption says, I was crying before I took this selfie. Not uncontrollable sobbing, but definitely crying. I had just stepped into this absolutely beautiful room with these wooden doors and covered in floor to ceiling tiles and patterns. And even though there were other tourists there, I was mostly alone in the space and I just felt overwhelmed and started crying in both gratitude and grief. I’ve shared, without going into detail, that it’s been a very hard year emotionally. I went through a devastating loss nearly a year ago that also required emergency surgery. I’m thankfully in a much better place now but grief comes in waves and although they’re less powerful now, they still hit me. And now I’m facing the reality that my beloved father, whose health has been declining for over a year, may not have a lot of time left with us. 

So while yes, I was on this dream trip that was an incredible blessing and gift when I needed it most, I was still struggling. Just like we all are. Everyone is fighting a battle or dealing with something, no matter how ‘perfect’ or wonderful it may seem online.  I am aware and grateful for all of the blessings in my life, including this trip. But there is so much under the surface we don’t see and it’s something I often have to remind myself when I catch myself ‘doom scrolling’ and falling into comparison. 

If you’d like to see more photos, I’ll be posting a few more here in the coming weeks. I may share a few on social media over time but hopefully, not without a lot of thought and intention.