This isn’t my best work but I made it on a day this week where I was far from my best emotionally or mentally. I’ve mentioned before that my dear father’s health is declining and the last few days have been a stark reminder of that. We don’t know how much time he has left in this world but I do know that the grief and uncertainty and difficult conversations and hospital visits and all else feel suffocating at times, like a dark grey cloud just enveloping everything. It was extremely gloomy and rained the entire day that I painted this, and I remember looking out the window and reflecting that it seemed fitting, given how we’re feeling right now.

But I also reminded myself that despite how dark and grey it was, it would clear and that rain is a blessing. We believe as Muslims that Allah SWT (God) answers our prayers when it’s raining and so I prayed. And I remembered that the rain that those clouds bring gives life to everything, including the flowers that my father always loved to care for and cultivate in his beautiful gardens every summer, while he was still able to. There’s a verse in the Quran, a favourite of mine [and many others] that reads, “So, undoubtedly, along with the hardship, there is ease. Surely with (that) hardship comes (more) ease” [Quran, 94:5-6]. It’s a reminder that not only does ease come after hardship, but also throughout it. Whether that’s impromptu shawarma stops with siblings, the incredibly kind doctors who are helping us navigate through all of this, Nunu’s hugs, the Salt & Vinegar chips I treated myself to, episodes of The Office or the incredible blessing of health, which I’m reminded, especially now, to never take for granted. 

I was exhausted but I had the idea for this artwork for hours and I knew it would help me to get it out onto paper. So I did. I used watercolour and Neocolor wax pastels and pencil crayons and markers and just let it all out, especially in the cloud. As always, creating helped me process my feelings and while it didn’t turn out exactly how I envisioned or wanted, it’s what I needed and that is enough. 

Alhumdulillah for everything.